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Saturday, September 21, 2013

A Song Plays

Friday night we went to a friend's house to celebrate Sukkot.  It is a friend whose house we often went to to celebrate holidays.  Full of life and kids running around and celebration always.  Once again, the kids were running around, doing a dance show etc. How Eddie loved those nights. Then I briefly went to another room and I talked out loud to him for a minute, telling him how much I wished he was there with us that night. I came out and sat back on the couch with my friends when all of a sudden I noticed the song being played on the radio was a song that was one of the very first songs we connected to as a couple! It was Stevie Wonder's song, "I Believe." being sung by Josh Groban.  This is not a song often played. We found it together in yoga and it was going to be our first dance song at our wedding until we decided to mix it up and go country. No doubt he had a hand in sending me that song at that moment.  It just was such an unusual song being played on a station that was all contemporary current music.  He just wanted me to know that he was there.  No doubt.


Tuesday, September 10, 2013


Edith had another amazing butterfly moment 2 weeks ago when we were in Hawaii.  As she left our house, she said she said goodbye to Eddie as she always does.  Right then, the black and white butterfly flew out of the vase near our front door, flew around and then flew into the poster size picture I have still of the 4 of us in our entry way, landing on Eddie's face.  She kept talking to it and it flew around in the entry hall as if so happy to hear from her and then went into the other room at which point she didnt see it again.  One might not believe this story but then one might not believe mine either and I am telling you, it happened.

So being a little upset that "Eddie the butterfly" keeps showing up for Edith and not me, I decided to talk outside since that is where "he" had "shown up" for me before (see prior post).  I saw a moth in our fountain flower bed and I thought, "well, maybe now he is this moth."  I started talking to him and then thought "this is not right.  Eddie would not show up as a moth.  He is beauty and would be a beautiful butterfly as he was before."  I turned around to face the garden and our hydrangea bush which I have always loved and low and behold, down from the sky flutters the same enormous black with ivory stripes (not white as I thought before) but the exact same (rarely seen if ever) butterfly..and it landed directly across from me on the hydrangea bush.  I was really stuck and talked and talked to it for about 3 minutes.  I said outloud, "maybe I should go get dylan" and it flew off the bush and around and around in the garden.  I ran in to the front of the house, yelled for dylan to come outside and the butterfly was back on the hydrangea bush in the exact same spot as before.  It stayed there until we went inside a minute or two later.

I love this butterfly.  I will never know if it is actually Eddie or someone else sending me comfort though the butterfly but I can definitely tell you I love the thoughts.  They in themself bring comfort.  Although Dylan was a bit spooked at my suggestion and quickly returned to the house.

hugs to all of you

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Week of firsts

This was a hard week. The first day of school.  The first Rosh Hashana.  The end of the first month.  The first Saturday night alone. The first time in our temple's new beautiful sanctuary for a service.  It wasn't easy and I suppose I hadn't given it enough thought to prepare myself for the consolation backup, particularly at services.

The beauty in the week was Friday night when about 40-50 of ours friends (including kids) met us for dinner prior to soul sounds for the final reading of Eddie's name as part of the 30 day mourning period.  They lifted us all up and carried us through emotionally, especially Dylan who had been expressing real anxiety about attending after she was unable to keep it together for the children revive the day before.  I'm forever grateful to all of them.  It was a beautiful service, one Eddie would have simply loved. The breeze blew, the birds chirped and we all sang.  I loved looking up at the sky and just picturing his smile.

The kids did great at school which is the good news.  They love their teachers and their class and seeing their friends.