I don't know what is hardest about losing a spouse… is it the loneliness at night when the kids are asleep and the house is quiet - sure you can watch tv alone… but isn't it more fun to embrace a show with someone watching with you? Is it when you find yourself at some party and you walk in alone and look around and can't find that person that is waiting for you or look to see your special person right there next to you? Is it when you go somewhere with your kids and they run off to be with their friends and you find yourself alone with the parents but without a spouse as they all have with them? Is it at the baseball games and basketball games when your kid does some great play and you don't have that person to smile at and say with your eyes "that is our kid!"
It is all of them and more.
It is when you see someone you know and meet someone new and know that the first thing they are going to say when you walk away is "that is the one I was telling you about that lost her husband. It is so sad."
It is when you get invited to something and you reply "1" will be attending and when you walk in to a restaurant and have to say "one adult, 2 kids." Or when someone says "where is your spouse?" Dead.
It is a constant reminder. The everyday of life bombards your mind with the aloneness of it.
Worst of all, it is the knowledge that you don't have that ONE person that you had before - the one that is always there for you, that helps you take a step back from an emotional situation, that hand slaps you and chuckles at your kids accomplishments, that tells you you are wonderful just the way you are and that hugs you and kisses you right before you go to sleep.
The aloneness is all around you. Always.
Hugs to all,
Lorin
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